Leonie's Positive VBAC Birth Story

"I have birthed three beautiful babies, all in very different ways.  This is the story of my third birth; a deeply healing and empowering VBAC, which taught me the power of intuition, trusting my body and holding my boundaries.

A little background for context:

My first baby was transverse (like in a hammock position) until really late.  As my due date came and went, and his movements reduced, I found myself in a place of fear and I had no wisdom whatsoever to call on.  I reluctantly agreed to an induction, had a lengthy and difficult back-to-back labour ending in forceps.  Due to poor postnatal care my tearing was misdiagnosed and I ended up with years of physical and emotional problems, and as a result I opted for a C-section for my second delivery.  In many ways this was a pretty positive experience because I felt like I was in control and choosing the right thing for my body, but in some ways I feel like there wasn’t really a choice, because I was still I a place of fear from my first. 

Both births were beautiful and special in their own rights and I learned and grew so much from them.

My experiences led me to explore Yoga to help strengthen my pelvic floor and reconnect with my body.  It worked miracles so I trained to teach pre and postnatal Yoga and loved sharing this wisdom with other women, it felt so healing. I loved hearing from their after their births about how the breathing techniques, postures and visualisations supported them during birth.  When I fell pregnant again, I knew I had some inner work to do to prepare my mind and body to fully let go of previous experiences and truly surrender to this birth.

I gifted myself prenatal Yoga classes, and Hypnobirthing; gifts that I am still so incredibly grateful for (I used my anchor while I had a filling done the other day!)  I worked on facing my ‘tigers’ which was really powerful; I still had so much fear of something going wrong, but I also understood the mechanics of birth now and knew my body could do it.  In addition to this my consultant sent me a letter that truly fed my fears; I wanted a home birth and he insisted on detailing all of the horrific ways this could go wrong- real worst-case scenarios there in black and white for me to bring to life in my imagination.  Not ideal for someone who had been through birth trauma and already has endless fears in the first place!  Amazingly, this actually became my first step in empowering myself and my baby for our wonderful birth because I reached out to PALS to highlight to them that letters of this nature, filling expectant mothers who have most likely had difficult birth experiences (given they are opting to go for a VBAC in the first place,) with worry just isn’t OK. 

I ended up meeting with the Head of Midwifery who supported me in creating a birth plan that suited my needs, discussing which interventions I was happy to accept, and hopefully changing the way that women who wish for a home VBAC are communicated with in the future.  I decided that I would like to birth in the Sanctuary at QMC, being midwife led, in water.  It felt like a good decision, MY decision.  Based on balancing facts with what would help me to feel safe.

So Birth Number Three…

Ten days overdue, having exhausted all the reflexology/pineapple/curry I could cope with, I decided I would be ok with a planned C-Section once I was over twelve days days.  This was based on calmly reading and processing reliable studies.  I knew that I didn’t want to be induced but that I had healed well from my last birth so I would rather go down that same route again if I needed to.  I went in for a sweep on Day 11 but apart from little cramping, still nothing.   Even though I so wanted my vaginal delivery I felt that intervention at this point was right for me, and just as I had made peace with this on day twelve (Mothers Day) and was adding bits to my hospital bag ready for my section the following day, I got my show.

Going to bed that night, the contractions started and steadily built up until they were close together and I went into hospital.  There was no pool available, but to be honest I was far away in my little Hypnobirthing bubble so this didn’t phase me too much.  Instead I had a cosy room which my wonderful husband set up just as I had wanted; lots of little electric tealights, my playlist, crystals, oils…all the woo-woo bits that helped me feel safe.  I was blessed with an incredible midwife who used to attend home births and totally honoured my Birth Plan, my husband knew the plan and I totally trusted him to advocate for me if I needed him to so I could just relax into letting the surges wash over me and bring me my baby.

And so I laboured through the night, feeling calm and trusting my body completely, even though in the past things had not unfolded in such a calm way.  I was completely zoned out, but recall some moments of clarity – at some point a doctor came in and was talking about the fact my waters hadn’t broken and this was slowing things down, even mentioning the possibility of forceps!  She was quickly ushered out by my wonderful midwife who assured me that forceps were not happening.

I had stated on my birth plan that I didn’t want any vaginal examinations; I knew that these would trigger memories of feeling out of control and afraid from my first birth experience.  Occasionally I would ask the midwife if I was definitely progressing well, and she would assure me that I was, and she could tell by the noises I was making.  I’d been in active labour from around midnight, and around 6am I felt so tired and slightly delirious and began asking for a Caesarean (hello, transition phase!)  My Midwife gently explained that in order to do that I would need to be examined (knowing full well baby was almost here) to see how dilated I was.  I felt so safe and in control that I was able to fully consent to this, unsurprisingly I was fully dilated but my waters were still intact. 

On my midwifes advice I agreed to getting my waters broken and after a gush, some good lungfuls of  gas and air a few good pushes, I roared my precious daughter into the world.

As I snuggled and fed her I sobbed my heart out.  Gratitude, relief, amazement – all the feels.  Don’t get me wrong, I was also sore and exhausted but the overwhelming feeling was that of calmness, because I felt like I had been in control of what happened to me during my birthing journey this time, and that felt (still feels) so deeply healing.

If you stuck with me this far then thanks!  The main thing I hope to pass on by sharing my positive VBAC birth story, is to empower yourself with knowledge and think deeply about what feels safe to you.  My three births have taught me that interventions aren’t inherently a bad thing or mean your birth somehow isn’t ‘natural’ (whatever that means!)  If you have researched them, reflected on them and feel like you would be okay with them helping you to birth your baby, then you can go into birth with strong boundaries that will help you to feel safe and in control like I did, even when I felt like I needed a little help, as it feels like you are working with your body. 

I deliberately haven’t shared graphic details of my forceps delivery because it was traumatic and I would hate for a pregnant mum to read it and absorb any of it.  But I will say that in that case, interventions (being scared into an induction, lack of pain relief, forceps with no explanation) felt like I was working against my body and from a  place of fear. 

How you feel during birth is important, it stays with you in your motherhood journey.  Invest in learning as much as you can about the process and the choices you have, and in nurturing trust in yourself and your body."

Thank you so much to Leonie for sharing her incredible positive VBAC birth story! Leoni now runs a children's forest school and Yoga group in Wollaton, Notts, you can find more about her wonderful offerings below.

Little Wild Play Club

 If you want to feel as confident, strong and informed as Leoni, check out my Hypnobirthing Antenatal course!

Hypnobirthing Course